A Year of Lessons Learned

It is 9/11 once again my friends! I’m turning 29, AGAIN…and I must say this past year has been a trying one. Probably one of the hardest years in my adult life. I always try to keep things in perspective. I try to stay positive and remember that God blessed me with another day and all of my limbs and my mind is right (but that’s relative). With all of that being said some days just flat out suck!

As I mentioned, this year has been interesting, to say the least. Like I said I’ve learned a lot. Some things good and some things…eh…not so good. But all lessons learned are good right? Right???

The first thing that struck home this year is how short life is and how fast time flies. I lost the only grandfather I knew in June. We weren’t very close and I can take some of the blame for that, but we were close enough. Close enough for me to wonder how I would describe him to my children. I still have a bookshelf that he made me (my first real bookshelf) and hope to someday pass that on to my little ones. He literally passed, in my grandparent’s home, in minutes.

Life is fleeting and you don’t realize it until you lose someone who is close to you. Death doesn’t impact you as much until you’re older. When the reality that you can be alive one minute and gone the next REALLY hits, it hits hard.

The second thing I learned is what family really is. I always thought family was blood or those people who married your blood. Family is more than that and at times less than that. For me, as an only child, most of my family is not blood related. My family has become my close friends. Whether I’ve known them for 20 years or 2 years, my “family” are those who have chosen to love me unconditionally. They are the friends who admit when they’re wrong and apologize. The friends you can argue with and then see each other again and it’s like nothing ever happened…no apology needed.

Your family is the group of people who help you through your day. Who, even when they’re tired and have their own struggles, make time for you…make the time to be your very own cheerleading squad.  The quote goes something like, they’re the people who know everything about you yet still choose to have you in their lives. Family isn’t blood. Family is the people who know the good the bad and the ugly and still stick around. You may not share genetics, but sharing tears, laughter, life experiences and a few bottles of wine can often bond two souls together more than blood ever could.

The third thing, family will disappoint you. I’ve had more interaction with my family the last year than I have in a while. I had a bag of mixed feelings. For me, family was always important. I always tried to reach out to my aunts and uncles and cousins…many times left wanting. After I realized family isn’t always blood (see above) it made the disappointment much easier to swallow. I’ve learned that disappointment by family is inevitable. It will happen. It is unavoidable no matter how many phone calls you make or emails & texts you send. Not everyone values relationships the same way you do…and that’s ok. At the end of the day, you will be let down…it may be your parents, stepparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles or whomever. What makes understanding this easier is if you know you did everything you could to save those relationships. If you did your part you should be able to sleep at night.

Number four…love is a bastard and most of the time too early or late to the party. You would think I would have learned this by now, but it didn’t quite sink in. I’ve had my share of relationships, but the last year has been a rollercoaster, maybe due to the mega-circus around me. Having an ex come back into your life almost 2 years later and profess his feelings is a shock and slightly annoying. Apparently 2 years ago we were at two different parties.

Then I dated a guy who was running a little early to the party, and then had to go home for his phone, therefore becoming late to the party is also a shock.  I’ve learned that love works on it’s own schedule. Whether it’s a six-month relationship or the love of your life…love does not care about your schedule. Sometimes you have to cut someone loose to give someone else a second chance. Sometimes, putting the hurt you experienced by a lover aside can be good. Sometimes, seeing if you’re at the same party at the same time can work. And by work I don’t mean rainbows, unicorns and a white picket fence. Sometimes, “working” means realizing it was never meant to be…and sometimes you see it was meant to be.

The fifth important thing I learned this year is that a job is just a job. Yes… I know…we all have bills to pay and at least one mouth to feed. At the end of the day it’s not the end of the world if everything at work isn’t going well. Sometimes you’ll have a gossipy co-worker, sometimes your boss will hate you or you have zero motivation for a few weeks. Unless you’re doing something you absolutely love, your job is just a job. Don’t let it stress you out. Don’t let the people associated with work make you start questioning who you are as a person or how talented or good you are at you work. Don’t let your work overshadow the important things in life. You can always find another job…even though interviewing sucks!

The sixth and final thing I’ll bore you with today is, people will do and say things just because they can. I don’t mean jokes or compliments or regular everyday banter. I’m talking about the playground gossip, the twisting stories just to make it more interesting, the ex from 10 years ago who calls just to make your skin crawl. People do things because as humans and Americans we have free will. I don’t always like it, but its part of life. We have no control over what others say and do. The only thing we have control over is how we react. Needless to say the reaction part is the part I have yet to master.

I may not have mastered my immediate reaction to them, but I have mastered how it makes me feel. Even though, many times, I’d like to give people a piece of my mind…I’ve learned to let most of it go. In fact, I look at it as a compliment now. I’m so important and impact their life in such a way that they can’t hold back their desire to talk or tell stories about me…or to call or text me. The urge and feeling is so strong they must take action. The fact that most of the time I couldn’t care less gives me more control than they could ever have…and that’s a great thing to learn!

So as I sit here, waiting to meet with one of my “non-blood family members”, I can’t help but to have positive thoughts about the future. Yes, today is not going down in the record books as one of my best, but it is going down as a day of great reflection. A day that I was able to look back and see that when life is hard and everything seems to be going wrong there is a light. Relationships my have been severed, family lost, loves lost, work-life balance is teetering, and gossip talked about me, but I’ve learned something. Nothing is better than learning about life.

My official celebration with loved ones may be Saturday, but my personal celebration is today.

God let me wake up this morning and live another day and I intend to make the last few hours of my day great…because I have complete control of how I feel. And at the end of the day, things could always be a lot worse. 




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